20050930

the only thing to be relieved abt is that i finally finished my composition.
HMP SIA = cancelled off my list of hmwk!
YES! and its threee pages.
whoohooo i rock. (:

(warning: the rest of the post is going to be frustrations and BLAH.
not interested dont bother to read. =X )

stupid html.
stooooopidddddddddddd exam stoopiidddd exam stooppiiidddddddd nanyang.
i cant take this stupid life in nanyang anymore.
stressed like nothing else.
I- CANNOT- TAKE- IT- I- AM- JUST- GOING- TO- DIE.
oh and my mum's intention was to let me swim in this sea of smart ppl and stress
with the NEW STOOPIDD SYSTEM : "teach less learn more".
AND YOU KNOW WAD
I DROWNED.
AT LEAST IM DROWNING.
SOMEONE SAVE ME BEFORE I JUST DIE.
teach less learn more = teach less learn NOTHING.
stooopiddddddd.
makes no sense.

and how can WE, sec ones do O LEVEL 10 YEAR SERIES?
seriously, it makes no sense.
and they expect us to like, what,
sit in class and dont understand because they teach so little
(fine maybe cos im not as fast as the other SMART ppl so i dont understand a thing)
and buy our own studying materials and study.
ITS RIDICULOUS.

BLAH IM STRESSEDDDDD
im stressed.
im stressedddddddddddddddddddddddddddd
blahs.
i hereby declare i am dead.
im going to be in sec 1 forever.
or get kicked to some stupid neighbourhood sch.
oh well WHATEVER
at least i wont be so stressed.
maybe the best solution for me is REALLY to transfer sch liao.

there is no hope for me.
i have NOTHING to look forward to in this world right now.
how pathetic can i be?
that's why i cant be happy, janabel.
you have ur ZHUOJING to see and BLAH.
im not gonna say more.
20050928

i thought that as long as i dont think abt it i would just forget.
but somehow, i cant avoid that feeling.
am i wrong to feel that way?

all i could do was to watch you walk away,
and i assumed it would be allright after that?
i suppose im quite silly.

i almost got rid of those feelings.
but u had to get my hopes up again.
from now onwards,
i never going to let u control my feelings again.
at least i hope i can.

im stressed. grrrs.
i shall just rot to death.

you never knew what i really wanted.
im wishing upon a star;
that someday....
20050924

this post is specially dedicated to my beloved!!
hahahahahhahaha.

i love sarah!!!
i love chuyi!!

that's why we should just protest against the idea of me going to EIE STAR class.
boohoos.
im going skating tml!!
i'll see my darling dear!
hahaha.

i love you sarah!
(P.S i am not lesbian. HAHA. )

oh we are bored to death.
me&my darling's parents are at a wedding dinner.
tsktsk.
20050923

i officially announce that i am currently suffering from severe depression.
wahahahha.
do not ever re wo shen qi OR ji dong.
leaving me alone will be the best solution to everything.
at least until my exams are OVER.

yes and my previous sentences excludes someone.
which i have no intention of revealing who.

i keep telling myself,
i will happen someday;
but why isnt it happening?

i wrote your name in the sky,
but the wind blew it away.
i wrote your name in the sand,
but the waves washed it away.
i wrote your name in my heart,
and forever it will stay.

how meaningful. (:
how long do i have to wait?
20050921

my new mortal rocks!
hahaha.
i am damn confused abt hu my angel is anw.
oh nvm.

i spent the whole night crying like shit ytd.
dont bother to ask me why cos im not telling.
maybe im transferring sch..
cos my mum say i not happy in NY,
which is actually true...
oh wells.

i hope my mortal doesnt find out hu i am until next week.
I'LL BREAK MY RECORD THEN.
wahahahhas.

i miss you.
i love you.
20050918

my hatred is gone.
im choosing to believe that it isnt true because i know my best friend isnt like that.
but anw, if one day i find out its true i will scream.
haha.

i, am going to THINK POSITIVE.
i am going to get over him for the sake of my studies.
hurhur.
oh die, i just remembered i owe jing qin a fone call.
i promised to call him back and i didnt.
crap ah he sure kill me.
haha.
ohkay as i was saying..
the hatred isnt there anymore.
and rather, i feel myself sad and missing him.
oh wells, i have to get over it.
im going to think positive.
AUDREY, THINK POSITIVE.

yes yes think positive..
concentrate on studies..
piano exam's over dont think back..
i must concentrate.

lallala~
im gonna get over him..
yes i know we have to let go when its time.
i dont know why im missing you.
oh wells.

stupid science.
diffusion?!
shit la... i hate all these stoopid science.

hurhur my sis thinks jing qin is my bf.
-.-''
DOTS.
just because i was talking to him on the fone just now.
like, we talk so regularly my whole family recognises his voice..
obviously im not his girlfriend.
stoopid ah.
haha.

ohkays im going back to mugging.
tatas. <3
20050917

tell me why im moaning over it.
i need to get rid of those feelings.
and i need to get over you.
yupps.

but everytime i remember..
my heart hurts all over again.
but why.
i need the answer.
i cannot accept the fact.
oh wells,
i'll get used to it right?
yes yes good.

thankays my dear sarah mei for ur nice letter. (:
i love ya loads.
thanks thanks thanks.
and i have another gor!
yay. hahas. (:

at least my day got me occupied so that i dont think abt it.
and wad u mean by U DIDNT WANT IT TO HAPPEN.
LIKE WADEVER.
talk crap la.
hu's the one who initiated it.
ugghhs

I DONT WANT TO CHANGE TO EIE 2 STAR!!!
i want normal EIE 2!!
i dont wanna leave chuyi and sarah!!
and my long term friends!
ARGH.
my mum's fault.
i hate my life.

i wish that i didnt have any more of those feelings.
someone kill me.
20050916

yes i've finally changed the blogskin.
not because i wanted to,
but because the other one wasnt working.
so sad lor.

i've just found out the most horrible truth ever.
and it caused me more hurt.
i so dont understand why it must keep happening.
and it caused much hatred too.
now i wish i had nothing to do with you.
stupid lousy character of yours.
oh well,
one episode of tears did the job.
whatever.

this is so unbelievable la.
i cant believe this is happening.
and why must u keep doing this to me.

you, are an idiot.
I-D-I-O-T.
YES.
all that u ever told me are a pack of LIES AND ALL LIES.
so SHUDDUP.
no amount of words can ever express how much hatred i have for u.
and no amount of apologies can ever make me forgive u again.

but then again,
he may not have told the truth.
but i dont know.
you'r still an idiot.

AND I HATE YOU FOREVER.
yes
i hate you forever and ever.
TATAS.


i tell myself its no big deal.
its just an exam, just to test ur ability.
that's all, right?

i screwed up my scales.
i screwed up my pieces.
i screwed up my sightreading.
i FLUNKED MY DAMN AURAL.

tell me, how on earth do i pass?
or even get a merit.
i cant help it.
i come out of that exam room, stunned at how badly i did.
i didnt say a word, my face just petrified with fear and my fingers trembling.
i looked for my mum, who was talking on the fone at the stairway.
we walked down the stairs,
and all the while i didnt say a word until my mum finished talking to the fone.

then, i just couldnt help it.
i burst out into tears,
and my tears trickled down my cheeks in a really horrible manner.
I COULD NOT BELIEVE HOW BADLY I DID.
i mean, did i not put in enough effort?
i practised 2 hours a day, praying just for my exam to go well.
i cried twice just thinking of what would happen to me if i screwed the exam.
and tell me, what did i get?

please tell me why i have to endure so much stress.
i dont feel like living.

my cheeks are stained with tears.
20050914

MY DAD BOUGHT ME THE SOUNDTRACK FOR STAIRWAY TO HEAVEN
AND IT ROCKS.
im elated by that.

but i realised watching the mtv is a big mistake because
i ended up crying after that.
hahaha.
how silly of me.
cos i found out that jingshu will die in the end and i was like SO SAD.
aggghhhh
I DONT WANT HER TO DIE!!!
sorbbbbbb.

anw im staying away from this comp until friday.
im only like blogging in school now.
IPW period that's why.
slack. wahahas.
i need to practise piano for my piano exam mah.
like force myself to sit on the piano for TWO HOURS.
FORCE OHKAY.
i am so totally torturing myself.
agh.

yesterday was the most depressing day ever.
firstly, ms ong said she read my blog.
OMG!!!
WAD DID SHE READ I LIKE SO TOTALLY FORGOT WAD I POST LAST TIME!!
if i posted anything bad i didnt mean it.
haha. =X
i swear never to post anything bad abt school ever again.
stupid everyone can come to my blog thru yahoo search.
grrrrr.

and i lost laiweng's letter to that lester person.
cos the HCI string ensemble ppl came to our sch for the masterclass.
i was supposed to pass a letter to that lester guy and i couldnt find it!
i was so zhao ji ohkay.
sorry laiweng. ):

and another bad thing happened at night.
this CERTAIN PERSON.
aghs its like..
aiyar i dont knoe how to say larhs..
i dont even noe how this is gonna be solved lah..
i mean its like maybe it appears that i dont care abt u but..
i dont think that way.
i just like, dont feel like expressing myself?
oh NEVERMIND.
this whole thing is so damn..
depressing and..
oh wells.
i like letting nature take its course.
i have NO IDEA to how im supposed to change how i express myself and how u think.
but like, whatever lah.

I SWEAR TO PRACTISE TWO HOURS A DAY ON THE PIANO AND GET GOOD MARKS NO MATTER WHAT IT TAKES.
I AM SO GONNA CRY.
IM SUFFERING FROM DEPRESSION.
-.-''

you dont understand me.
20050910

I AM SO I LOVE WITH THIS BLOGSKIN.
because i am like so obssessed with stairway to heaven!!
HAHAHA.
yes its a veh touching show.
reaaalllyyy touching.
much to the extent of making me cry almost every episode.
but i love it.
YES I LOVE IT!!
<3333

i love this blogskin it rocks ohkay.
its not made by me though.
i wonder where she got the pics.
i LOVE it.
view it HERE.
i tell you it rocks.
i love the piano music, i love the pics.
THE EVERYTHING.
i so rate it FIVE STARS.

no matter how i wait
i cant go
like a dummy crying
next to you
only gave me pain
without you noticing
are you telling me to leave?

i miss you
i miss you
to the point where i hate myself
i want to cry
i want to kneel down
if only everything didnt happen

searching the memories where i loved you crazily
those memories haunt me
but i cant hide from this love any longer
i shouldnt do this
but i miss you to death
but i miss you to death.

so touching.
*SOBS*
this is how much the guy loved the girl..
the girl loved him too,
but they got seperated because he needed to go for further studies.
they vowed to meet again..
and they did.
at least they thought they did..
until that stoopid evil woman knocked her down.
and sadly, she lost her memory.
and this guy thought she died..
because of that stooopiiidddd evil woman.
and then one day he saw her again.
though she lost here memory,
he knew it was her, and he was determined to make her regain her memory..
well i havent finished watching it yet.
haha.

it's like so touching can!
that guy loved her so much lor..
its like so sad she lost her memory.
its like childhood love can last for so long..
until they grew up that guy still loved her so much?
LOL.
anw, its just a show.
these things always happen in shows, right?

ohkay.
down to today's activities.
CCA bbq.
at PASIR RIS!!!
AHH
SO FAR LAH.
TOOK ME LIKE ONE WHOLE HOUR CAN?
and the food so heavy somemore.
ohkay and i saw wanfang on the mrt.
hahas.
errrrr
WE TOOK NEOS FOR LIKE THREE DOLLARS!!
haha.
ohkay those type that cannot decorate de lah.
still, it was nice.
took with lydia heeai and fiona.
joey and edwyna had ran away so..
well.
hahaha.

mr sze made us stand around that big cake and wish for a next gold with honours..
WHHEEE
hope it comes true.
and i REALLY hope i will be performing. (:

and my mum was really pissed with me for making her wait.
sheesh.
she didnt get to watch her show mah.
so she was REALLY pissed.
oh nevermind.

my dinner consisted of fruits and garlic bread.
thanks to that wanfang larh.
keep on feeding us fruit and more fruit.
tsktsk because its my group who make the fruit salad
and she's the group leader.
hahaha.
oh wells.
fruit is good for my diet.
hurhur lose more weight.
those fruit DID make me real full kays.

-
-
-
-
-

I LOVE LOVE LOVE LOVE LOVE
STAIRWAY TO HEAVEN.
20050908

stoopidd busy day i had.
i BROKE A CELLO STRING
AND YOU KNOE WAD IT WAS THE C STRING THE THICKEST ONE.
YESYESYESYESYESYES IM NOT CRAZY.

its not my fault because it was already breaking when i brought it home lah.
shiru told me so and i could see RIGHT.

i got another new cello string
and i DIDNT buy a cello because i didnt like those cellos.
feeling not there.
and i got my black court shoes.
and i got those stoopidd ten mangoes.
oh whatever.

IM FEELING DAMN PISSED.
you are an idiot idiot idiot idiot idiot.
STOOPIDD IDIOT LAH.

FREAKING STOOPIDHEAD.
whatever.
im bored to death right now.
i'm gonna be dead because i'll flunk that damned piano exam.
my mum was drilling me on the piano today
AND GUESS WAD
she said i sound like crap and i have to practise hard like shit if not i shall not go iceskating this saturday.
I AM ALSO PISSED BECAUSE OF THAT.
I WILL DIE IF I DONT GO ICESKATING.
stooooopiiiidddddd PIANO EXAM

you stoopidd freak stop irritating me.
20050907

dont bother to ask me why im up so late.
dont bother to ask me why im blogging at this time.

maths lesson was errr, as usual boring.
and hmp was errrrr.
ohkay its a masterclass.
and im quite shocked at how this PIANIST person can point out every detail of a piece..
hmmm
is that supposed to be good or bad.
i mean, pointing out every single detail.
the dynamics, the cantabile, etc..
how every single note should be played.
and me being like only 12+ years old, (its not my birthday YET)
my attention span isnt veh long.
ahhaha.
so naturally i was errrr, bored.
not tha bored though,
i was appreciating the lovely music they played.
i loved EVERY SINGLE piece performed
and i think the pieces were WONDERFUL.

i esp think that my angel tiffany is reaallyyy pro.
i mean, i could see her fingers lo
and the whole piece was damn fast la.
even that pianist (i forgot her name) said that she was really good.
yes yes (:

oh and i sat down at the piano frustrated with myself this afternoon.
HORRIBLE PLAYING OF MY PIANO PIECES.
i mean, MY EXAM IS LIKE 9 DAYS AWAY?!
what the hell is the prob with me la.
im playing like shit.
my A1 is like crap DAMN MESSY;
my B1 is like mistakes here and there, soft notes may even NOT BE HEARD;
C1 is crap because i keep hitting the rong notes.

i am utterly disappointed with myself.

im going into that exam room and coming out of the exam sure to fail.
BOOHOOHOO.

yes and the 2 hours at the piano continuously trying to correct my mistakes were not much good.
even though i must say (guiltily) that this time that i practised was the one that i have put in my best effort.
that i tried very hard to correct those mistakes..
i am very hopeful of getting at least a 120/150 for that piano exam.
is it too late to try harder?
hmmmmm.
maybe i only have myself to blame.
i am too slack.

I MUST BUCK UP.
PULL UP THOSE SOCKS
AND STOP SLACKING.

and can i bring myself to love u again,
i really dont know..
i came across something that i saw on a particular website that made me really confused.
i shall not elaborate further.

i dont know if im supposed to bring myself to learn to trust u, believe u,
all over again.
and will i even get the hurt i got before in return?

oh well,
im going iceskating again to practise tml.
and im sure im gonna be knocked like crazy.
nevermind those silly banging ppl are the ones who will suffer losses.
i was trained to get up or fall on the ice without getting hurt.
go figure. x))

i better go sleep before i get poked tml morning.
or rather tml noon time.
wahahahah TATAS.
20050904

YES!!!
ICESKATING COMPETITION!!!!
<33333333

The True You

You want your girlfriend or boyfriend to be more relaxed, calm, and composed.

With respect to money, you spend whatever you have.

You think good luck depends on maintaining good relationships with others.

The hidden side of your personality tends to be satisfied to care for things with a minimal amount of effort.

You are tend to think about others' feelings a lot, perhaps because you are so eager to be liked.

When it comes to finding a romantic partner, you don't have any particular type in mind, but you are inclined to look for someone who will say yes when you ask him / her out.

errrrrrrr.
that is like,
not 100% accurate lah.
i DO NOT spend wadever i have.
and no, i do not think good luck depends on maintaining good relationships with others.
though i have to admit,
the rest is kinda true.
some bad points but, well i guess its just me.
IM NOT DESPO TO BE LIKED LAH!
stupid result.
hahaha.
nevermind.

my holiday timetable is SO packed.
gaaahhhhh.
mugging.
horrible holiday.

my piano exam is in TWO WEEKS!
IM DEAD!
AHH!
20050902

OHMYGOD OHMYGOD
please do not be surprised if u ppl dont see me living in this world anymore.

as from now, i announce that i shall be dead in like, a few hours time.
considering the time that my parents come home.

MY PROGRESS REPORT IS OUT.
AND YOU KNOE WHAT?!?!
i flunked it!!!!!!
my mum is going to be like
"OFF THAT COMPUTER NOW!!! GIVE ME UR HANDPHONE!!"
*and she takes the hammer or the cane or some weapon to hit me*
and im dead.

seeeeee.
i love ms koh and mrs tan.
at least mr lim (geog) is OHKAY.
ms chee is fine.
i hate CHAICHOONKOW!!!!!
I HATE MS LEE!!!!
I HATE MR LIM (hmp)!!!!
they gave me AEs!!!!!
how am i supposed to mian dui my mother?
i mean, how can mr lim give me AE just because i dont answer in class much?
just because i shuddup does not mean i dont know rite!!!
ARGGHH!
HE IS SO PIAN XIN!!!!
i bet he gave chiling EE EE EE EE!!!
wahkaos
i cant stand nanyang teachers.

and that stupid chaichoonkow.
HE LOST MY WORKSHEET AND HE GAVE ME A ZERO FOR IT!!!
ZERO LEH!!!!!
wah lao!!!
and he gave me a C!
i die lah!
and stupid ms lee, she gave me TWO AEs.
I PASSED MY TEST CAN?!
just because i never ask questions lah!
u are the one who keep looking at me and janabel during class.
just because u think im the ONLY one who doesnt understand maths concepts during class.
BECAUSE I AM IN REMEDIAL!!!
BUT I PASSED!!
PPL NOT IN REMEDIAL FAILED!!
i worked hard for maths!!!
WHAT IS YOUR PROBLEM?!?!

grrrrrr.
i am so angry now.
nevermind.
i am going to be dead soon anyway.
doesnt matter.
TATAS EVERYBODY
SAY BYE TO THE WORLD!! ):


okay i made ANOTHER blogskin..
5th one on blogskins.com le.
hhehh (:

view it HERE.
give comments ohkays.
thankkaays.

my back and butt and WHOLE body is gonna ache like shit tml.
grrrr.
all chenlili's fault lah.
keep making us "TI TUI" during dance.
then somemore, cos i sit in front,
then she make me bend!!
AHH!
pain like shit!
today's dance was horrible.
another reason was because
due to sitting in front (which is not i choose one)
i have no one to copy or follow when she ask we all to do the dunnoe wad hand thingy..
cos janabel never do properly,
then edwyna oso never!
I DIE LAH!
no one to follow!
i forgot ALL the actions!
argh then chenlili spanked my bottom.
hahahahhas
okay just lightly like pat pat using her dancing shoes.
-.-''
she doesnt really beat de larhs.

aghs.
i hope i do well for ice-skating tml.
i wish wish wish that a certain someone would be able to go in the morning.
SIGHHHHH.
oh yes and i discovered that skating alone (i mean practising)
is not veh fun.
i wish sarah had went with me.

i shall have a stressful week ahead despite the holidays.
i am SO poor thing.

oh yarh
ms ong created the angel mortal system within our class!
YAY! SO FUN!!
hahhaa
im not telling my mortal.
and i know my angel already.
cos my dear darling cute angel, went to sign her REAL name on her first letter.
HAHHAHA!
DOTS!
no larh but before i saw the name i knew it was her from the handwriting lah.
cos its like so obvious...
lols
anw, my angel is val.
yupps and i sit beside janabel, who is val's good friend
so i always see the notes they pass and i recognise val's handwriting.
LOL.
and btw, u have NO IDEA how shocked i was when i saw the register number on my paper..
hurhurhur.
wahahaha.

nevermind.
i hope tml goes as well as i hope it would be.